Food Me Once, Shame On Me… # 3

Editor’s Note: This installment of “Food Me Once…” was written by food-critic of note, Chef Benny LaLingua. 

~ “Wishing to eat the fugu, but wishing to live too.” Anonymous Quote, orig. Japan ~ What better place to begin, than with the wisdom of the far east. My name is Bene LaLingua, but you may know me as Chef Benny LaLingua from such shows as, “Please, You First,”


Watch along as Chef LaLingua challenges lucky winners from the viewing audience to eat what even he won’t on, “Please, You First!”

“After Dinner comes Desert,”


Every week, Chef LaLingua enjoys fine, exotic cuisine before attempting to survive the night in each of the world’s most famous deserts on, After Dinner comes Desert!

and “Quit your Wineing,” a favorite among connoisseurs of grappa.


Quit Your Wineing… Grab life by the Grappa.

But enough about me, let’s talk about what I think about things. As a first time contributor to Comedy So Serious!, I was caught unawares by their policy regarding topic selection. But, after acting like the professional that I obviously am, I withdrew the folded piece of paper from the taxidermal Shark and read aloud, “Asian Snacks.”


Everything about this is right.

At first, I was hesitant. “Snacks?” I thought to myself aloud… “I am a fooooood critic! Not some run of the mill mouth-snob,” as I like to call the uninitiated. But, I am also the first to admit that I very much enjoyed my foray into the world of online criticism. And with regard to snacks, let’s just say Food Me Once, Shame On Me!!!


Collon Cleanse!

My first subject was “Collon: A happy snack for fun kids who grow old!” A delicious chocolate treat whose name is derived from Colon, and whose marketing campaign consists of swirly, sphincter-like designs. A perfect storm of unintended bathroom jokes later, and you just might find yourself loving this tasty, rich treat. The bitter snap of cocoa merges sublimely with the gentle lull of creamy bass flavors.


Brings to mind… scarring.

Here’s another misleading namesake for an otherwise tasty diversion. Pocky is an edible stick of relatively sweet bread, dipped in a variety of pastel colored flavors. My favorite was green tea, pictured above. Ideal for a reserved palette, and perfect for lovers of antioxidants in all shapes, sizes and colors.

snacks 4

I had some Sea-Monkeys when I was a kid, but I didn’t realize you were supposed to eat them!

I ate several bags of the above snack, trying to figure out what, exactly, I was eating… Jury’s still out on that one, I’m afraid. My best guess: rejected nickelodeon cartoon concepts, freeze-dried in the tears of a childhood lost.

snacks 5

Also helps prevent cavities!

Wether on the go, or living a predominantly sedentary lifestyle behind your favorite gaming console, the Far East has an energy beverage to remind you of home. I was shocked to find Nintendo related merchandise in Asia. After all, The Super Mario Brothers franchise represents the toils of the American blue-collar worker. The beverage itself tastes like a cherry flavored “my first chemistry set,” but boy does it pack a punch! A must have for anyone looking to defeat an army of alternate-reality reptiles.

I hope you enjoyed this installment of Food Me Once, Shame On Me… With any luck, the editor will have the good sense to have me back for another appetizing appraisal.

~Chef Benny LaLingua~

Images via: here, here, here, here, here, here, and here

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