Editorial: Free-Floating Planet Found Shockingly Close to Earth

Take a gander:

PSO J318.5-22

In space, beauty is a telegraph for horrors…

What you are looking at is an artist’s conception of PSO J318.5-22, a planet recently discovered that is a mere 80 lightyears away from our beloved Mother Earth. In celestial terms, that’s not a very long way off. But there’s more: PSO J318.5-22 is a free-floating planet. Unlike most of the planets known to us, “PSO” (which our sources tell us is short for, Planet So Ominous) is not in orbit around a star; rather, PSO is lackadaisically meandering through the space-time continuum.

In Sloth… No one can hear you scream.

With regard to the destiny of dear, drifting PSO, a few possibilities immediately spring to mind. Number one: invasion by aliens cruising through the universe on PSO’s back…

spaceinvaders

“Take us to your suburbs.”

and, of course, number two: mass exodus by humans off of a ruined Earth, and onto PSO…

govtshutdown

Future Earth, after the wealthy elite abandon us for the unspoiled, free-floating planet, PSO. Or… This week after 10 days of Government shutdown.

When Earth’s resources are tapped, its exterior a dried husk, the privelaged few shall file into their BMW escape-pods and start a new life on PSO. Either that or, lastly:

a rag-tag team of unprepared oil-rigsmen will blow PSO to smithereens…

image

This movie can never be unseen no matter how much you scrub your eyeballs.

Gifs and images via: here, herehere, and here.
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