Happy New Year!!!

As unbelievable as it may seem, 2013 is coming to a close.

Next up:

“Damn! Just lost my wifi signal…”

And while time flies when you’re having fun, it started charging extra for baggage. Why, it seems like just yesterday when mix-tapes were actually on… tapes.

“Cool Nintendo cartridges, brah.”

And the future was brimming with possibility!

Introducing the iPhone 0.001

But we are a resilient bunch. Several billion bits of binary code have permeated our eyes and ears via the internet, showering us with good humor and merriment. The other several billion… Continue reading

Monday Miasma # 15

Hark! I hear an angel sing! Wait… Nope. Not an angel. That was the “Harp” alarm setting on my phone. That’s right…

It’s Monday.

Time for my morning commute… into oblivion.

On this last Monday of 2013, we reluctantly arise, donning the bifocals of the bizarre and peering past the mundane into a familiar world populated by strangers.

“We’re ready for launch, Commander.”

Though the slight to our dignity and self worth is relatively meager, the cumulative effect of a lifetime of Monday mornings can be deadly. This is why we invite you to join us in the transmutation of tedium, where memes really do come true.

There’s a party in my nightmare and errybody’s invited!

So refresh your cup of coffee and plunge wholeheartedly into it, finding solace in its caffeinated inner-cosmos.

Do you take the red pill, or the sugar cubes?

Together, along with the intercession of the internets, we can transform this raw, bitter brew of toilsome tonic into something altogether ambrosial. Or… some approximation thereof.

Close enough!

Here’s to the swift passage of Monday!

Gifs via: here, here, here, and here

Merry Christmas from Comedy So Serious!

Happy holidays from all of us at Comedy So Serious!

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“They’ll never suspect a thing…”

The Christmas season is a time for family, giving, and love, which is why we’ve been drinking mimosas since 7am this morning. We wanted to thank you, the reader, for your continued interest in our modest operation.

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What happens at the North Pole, stays at the North Pole.

As tradition dictates, Santa has emerged from his arctic clam to bestow gifts on the masses. Hopefully you’ve received your heart’s desires. If not…

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Futilely, Santa claws…

Just a suggestion.

Have a lovely Christmas day, and a happy, healthy New Year!

Images via: here, here, and here.

Comedy So Christmas!

Ladies and gentlemen, readers, skimmers, and browsers alike…

Welcome to Comedy So Serious!’s Christmas Spectacular!!!

All I want for Christmas is the pain to stop.

“Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the towns, children were winked at, responding with frowns.”

PedoClause!!!

“Such stockings were so hang, much stuffed with much gift. Very excitement. Such spirit, so lift.”

Rudolph the Wet Nosed Dogge

“When, suddenly, a sound rang out with such force, jarring and startling us from slumber’s sweet course. We rushed to the window, and what did we see? Jolly Saint Nick giving a kick to his steed!” Continue reading

Editorial: Planetary Alignment Decreases Earth’s Gravity ~ Hoax or Prank?!

News Hound reported on a bizarre and exhilarating cosmic event said to occur this coming January 4th, 2014. It’s called the “Jovian-Plutonian Gravitational Effect” and it occurs perhaps but once in a lifetime. Pluto will pass behind Jupiter, and the two cosmic bodies will be briefly aligned with Earth, causing a temporary fluctuation in Earth’s gravity.

Pictured: Our Solar System… and what appears to be a Black Hole of “Nooope!”

According to News Hound’s report, jumping at exactly 9:47 AM on January 4th will yield up to 3 seconds of “floating” before you touch down on solid ground. Just as many of you may be reading this with a measure of shock and awe, the Comedy So Serious! team expressed an embarrassing amount of childlike wonder at hovering in the air… and, more expectedly, at temporarily weighing less. I admit, I too was lured in by the prospect of an “on Earth space-walk,” but my well honed journalistic skepticism told me to do approximately two minutes of internet research. What I found might shock you… Or not. It’s total bullshit.

Patrick Moore: The H.G. Wells of Astronomy.

The gentleman above, purported to be a British astronomer by the name of Patrick Moore, allegedly cooked up this Jovian-Plutonian Gravitational scheme as an April Fools joke back in 1976. Though disappointment rang like a bell of bitterness when I briefed our staff on this editorial, there emerged a growing respect and admiration for this Astronomer’s vision. He, like us, wanted to see strangers acting the part of the fool, hopping through the streets of Britain, swearing up and down that they felt lighter and were “floating.”

SCIENCE!!!

Three cheers, Patrick Moore! Comedy So Serious! salutes you in your obvious disregard of astronomy in favor of screwing with people!

Articles and images via: here, here, here, and here

Monday Miasma # 14

Lo, and behold! The miasma of Monday is upon us once again!

If the workweek is a digestive track, then Monday is the primary cause of all allegorical acid-refulx.

Gimme a B! Gimme an A! Gimme a R! Gimme a F! What does that spell?!?!

The figurative face-plant that ensues scatters us in a myriad of directions, causing a small, invisible mutiny of motives within us. A hundred wishes wantonly wandering in different directions, seeking fulfillment that we intuit shan’t arrive.

“I’m up… I’m up. I’m down.”

And while we give our best at each juncture of challenge and opportunity, it seems that we are unable to perform the simple tasks required to function adequately.

Nailed it.

Continue reading

Wednesday Every Wednesday # 10

What’s that you say?!

It’s Wednesday?!?!

Dramatic chipmunk ain’t got nothing on her.

Yes, dear readers! Wednesday has arrived, bringing with it the sweet fragrance of Friday! The currents of our capitalistic confines are rapidly changing!

Very rapidly changing…

Today we deliver the sudden, fortuitous parry that thwarts the oncoming blow of the banal, sublimating our burdens into the potentiality of a weekend well spent!

Wednesday will knock you into next Thorsday!

With an animated tear in our frighteningly malformed faces, we await the sunset of the strained workweek. We’ve made it this far; there is only a short distance yet to be traveled by us, the worldweary and wondrous.

I’m so excited… and it’s literally impossible to hide it…

So rally your spirits! Gather your strength! And go forth into the fray! Before long, Friday will appear before us like the majestic unicorn of unrestraint that is!

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’…”

Gifs via: here, here, herehere, and here..