News Hound reported on a bizarre and exhilarating cosmic event said to occur this coming January 4th, 2014. It’s called the “Jovian-Plutonian Gravitational Effect” and it occurs perhaps but once in a lifetime. Pluto will pass behind Jupiter, and the two cosmic bodies will be briefly aligned with Earth, causing a temporary fluctuation in Earth’s gravity.
According to News Hound’s report, jumping at exactly 9:47 AM on January 4th will yield up to 3 seconds of “floating” before you touch down on solid ground. Just as many of you may be reading this with a measure of shock and awe, the Comedy So Serious! team expressed an embarrassing amount of childlike wonder at hovering in the air… and, more expectedly, at temporarily weighing less. I admit, I too was lured in by the prospect of an “on Earth space-walk,” but my well honed journalistic skepticism told me to do approximately two minutes of internet research. What I found might shock you… Or not. It’s total bullshit.
The gentleman above, purported to be a British astronomer by the name of Patrick Moore, allegedly cooked up this Jovian-Plutonian Gravitational scheme as an April Fools joke back in 1976. Though disappointment rang like a bell of bitterness when I briefed our staff on this editorial, there emerged a growing respect and admiration for this Astronomer’s vision. He, like us, wanted to see strangers acting the part of the fool, hopping through the streets of Britain, swearing up and down that they felt lighter and were “floating.”
Three cheers, Patrick Moore! Comedy So Serious! salutes you in your obvious disregard of astronomy in favor of screwing with people!