Wednesday Every Wednesday # 12

Ladies and gentlemen, this is NOT a test. Comedy So Serious! has taken over your net-waves… DO NOT attempt to adjust your dials.

Do you even understand that now antiquated reference to a bygone technology?

Well, DO NOT attempt to open a new tab because…

IT’S WEDNESDAY

Um… internet takeover?

I, your humble and recently abandoned editor, have been left alone at the helm of my own ship run aground. I am broadcasting to you from a remote island of cyber-solitude, screaming a message of questionable importance into the digital ocean-spray.

EVERYTHING IS NORMAL, FINE, NOT WORRISOME AT ALL

You need not doubt your senses as they survey the landscape. This is, indeed, a strange and troubling dystopian ecosystem. Rather than work in tandem, gaining momentum and accomplishing our aims, we are beset with predatory advances.

Office life…

The odds seem insurmountable, and if it were merely up to us alone we would surely succumb to the overwhelming negativity strewn in our paths.

Ouch, Sheep… but valid.

Continue reading

Editorial: It’s A Jungle… ‘IN’ Here

It’s been a while since our last post. My sincerest apologies to you, the reader. I have to admit, our troubles started when I made a claim that our writing staff’s jobs were “so easy, even monkeys could do them.” Outraged and offended, the entire staff of Comedy So Serious! staged a walkout. Needless to say, productivity has hit an all-time low.

I keep telling him to give it a second to load, but…

Yes, times have been tough for your modest moderator of internet inanity. With a staff comprised mainly of ill-tempered Baboons–and one Gibbon–I’ve spent most of my days hiding under my desk, tossing binders into the office across from me to misdirect the pack of savage simians. And although I’ve had numerous ideas for titillating editorials, the sound of typing on my keyboard incites murderous rage from the eldest Baboon. Fortune smiled upon me, however, in the form of a phone call!

Different phone call…

I picked up the receiver as fast as I could so as not to alert the monkeys and whispered, “Sal’s Pizzeria & Crematorium: We bake for your wake…” As I listened to the chilling, crackled voice on the other end of the line, it became apparent who had called me…

My Publisher

DEADLINES!!!

My publisher failed to see the heroism of cracking jokes at a time like that–monkeying around while the monkeys are around, if you willYES! Still got it!–and instead offered some constructive criticism regarding the site, most of which I completely agree with.

I can totally see where you’re coming from…

And after several long pauses and awkward interruptions, my publisher offhandedly mentioned that local animal-control had received reports about monkeys in the area. She informed me to avoid the office; I informed her that I voided my bowels in the office, and we hung up mutually reassured, I’m sure. Continue reading

Halloween Countdown: 17 Days & Haunting

All natural laws, including physics, are suspended during this Hallowed Eve’s approach. You are rendered powerless to the Netherworld’s advances.

Snackula.

Like a shell of your former person, you respond to the call of the realm beyond the living!

“Yes, my mattres…”

And no matter how you try to prepare yourself, you will never be ready to see the season’s true face…

For it is thine own! Continue reading

Pablo’s Pablum # 2

Rudolf Stingel

Rudolf Stingel’s, “Untitled”

Ladies and Gentlemen, Artists and Arteests, there is a first time for everything, and today I’ve had a first. In preparing this article on Rudolf Stingel’s aptly titled, “Untitled,” I found myself at a loss for words. In my seven, nigh on eight, years as a liberal-arts undergraduate student, and thirteen months in my local community college’s “Master’s” program, I have never seen anything quite like this. My sources tell me Stingel’s work is largely abstract, but I don’t find his work annoying at all… Evocative of a throw-pillow, rather. Or, perhaps an appropriate reference considering our topic of artistic excellence, the sentient ecto-plasm from Ghostbusters 2…

GBII

Free Fireman Friday at Moma!

As I mentioned, Stingel’s work had a singular effect on me. I have never seen any artist, living or dead, destroy the preconceived notions of art with such bold timidity. His work reminds this critic of the movie Ghostbusters 2 in that regard, as well. Continue reading

Editorial: The Dreaded Cab Ride from Manhattan to BK

taxi

It was late. Almost ten p.m., and cold… low seventies. The first signs of winter’s relentless approach were upon us, and my wife and I needed shelter and immediate transport. There was only one problem… We live in Brooklyn.

taxidriver

“U gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me…”

Well aware of the stigma attached to asking a yellow-cab to leave the shimmering promise of big Manhattan dollars, we decided to face the nightmare head on. What we didn’t realize, however, was just how much we were in for. Continue reading

Monday Miasma # 1

An ever-ready Kevin Spacey embodies the guttural reaction to Mondays we all know so well:

Monday just got “awards-show ticket-slapped”… classic.

But what does he know about Fridays, or even Thursdays for that matter?!

wut tha Usual Suspects did you just say?

Excuse me, Mr. Spacey, that was out of line… My apologies.

Space: The Primal & Feared (Visions of the late L. J. Fathomsworth) # 1

Editors note: It is with reserved pleasure that I introduce you to what we hope will be a recurring segment on Comedy So Serious! Our intern, who asked to remain anonymous, has received the previously unread essays of the man who was said to have inspired the great H.P. Lovecraft… L.J. Fathomsworth. Though unknown to the general public, his name has been heard among the murmurs and whispers of occultist writing circles for decades. Despite tenuous family relations, and the likelihood that we will lose the legal rights to release these works, we shall forge ahead for as long as we can, disseminating his lesser known vision to the public. 

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“What horrors lie in wait… Within the interior of my inner abyss, I can only feel… abysmal.”

Continue reading