Editorial: It’s A Jungle… ‘IN’ Here

It’s been a while since our last post. My sincerest apologies to you, the reader. I have to admit, our troubles started when I made a claim that our writing staff’s jobs were “so easy, even monkeys could do them.” Outraged and offended, the entire staff of Comedy So Serious! staged a walkout. Needless to say, productivity has hit an all-time low.

I keep telling him to give it a second to load, but…

Yes, times have been tough for your modest moderator of internet inanity. With a staff comprised mainly of ill-tempered Baboons–and one Gibbon–I’ve spent most of my days hiding under my desk, tossing binders into the office across from me to misdirect the pack of savage simians. And although I’ve had numerous ideas for titillating editorials, the sound of typing on my keyboard incites murderous rage from the eldest Baboon. Fortune smiled upon me, however, in the form of a phone call!

Different phone call…

I picked up the receiver as fast as I could so as not to alert the monkeys and whispered, “Sal’s Pizzeria & Crematorium: We bake for your wake…” As I listened to the chilling, crackled voice on the other end of the line, it became apparent who had called me…

My Publisher

DEADLINES!!!

My publisher failed to see the heroism of cracking jokes at a time like that–monkeying around while the monkeys are around, if you willYES! Still got it!–and instead offered some constructive criticism regarding the site, most of which I completely agree with.

I can totally see where you’re coming from…

And after several long pauses and awkward interruptions, my publisher offhandedly mentioned that local animal-control had received reports about monkeys in the area. She informed me to avoid the office; I informed her that I voided my bowels in the office, and we hung up mutually reassured, I’m sure. Continue reading

Editorial: It’s A Jungle Out Here

The world can be a very, very strange place.

EVERY. DAMN. DAY.

In this mixed up skirmish for survival, men have been driven to great lengths… And, depending on the car’s mileage, some have even made it to Bat Country, NV.

An alert driver is a safe driver…

It takes a lot of courage and a strong will (Shatner) to resist the numbness of deep space, whilst traveling aboard this doomed starship.

“Stop almost hittin’ yourself. Stop almost hittin’ yourself!”

And when you least expect it, a stranger wearing a fashionable sky-cap–perhaps a Fedora, or a Trilby… or maybe a Pork Pie!–shows up and condescendingly waves his hands in front of your face, saying Continue reading

Happy Halloween from Comedy So Serious!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Specters and Spooks, Goblins and Ghouls, Naughty Nurses and Walter Whites… It. Is. HALLOWEEN!!!

Ya’ll know what time it is!

The day has come to revel in the night; the life of the dead once again penetrates the diaphanous division between the here and the hereafter. The hounds of Halloween are calling! Can you hear them?

What does the Hell-Hound say? Aaa-ring-ding-ding-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ling!

We here at Comedy So Serious! are more than a little excited to have spun round this solar-system once more, arriving at this most auspicious occasion.

Souls-are Eclipse… Right? Huh? Yeah, you get it.

There is only one way to announce the ascension of the exanimate, and that is to to dance your demons away; to party your poltergeists into sweet oblivion; and to exorcise the evil enmity we carry for this fleeting life!

Flash Mobs of Ghastly Slobs!

Be it Trickery or Treatery that you chose, we sincerely hope that you enjoy this uncharacteristically fun and pagan holiday! Be safe and conscientious on this Hallowed Eve and, remember, if you can’t beat ’em… Do as the Zombies do, and eat ’em!

Gifs via: herehere, here, and here

Halloween Countdown: 4 Days And Haunting

Halloween is rapidly approaching. Survivng the Day of the Dead and the Night of the Non-living will require fortitude, strength, cunning, and a clever costume witht the potential to go viral.

Guillotine dreams.

The creatures of the night laugh heartily into the open-mic of the underworld, where hecklers are doomed to an eternity of being crushed by the talent.

“you suck!!!” [blood…]

A celebration of mortality, morbidity, and the undeniable attraction to grossness.

The ugly truth behind carving Jack-O-lanterns: their boogery physiology…

And although Halloween only comes once a year, the literal appreciation of physical depreciation remains in the foreground of our fears all year long.

What’s the thread count on those sheets?

Continue reading

Food Me Once, Shame On Me… # 6

Welcome back for another scrumptious serving of food related bloggery with yours chewly, Chef Benny LaLingua! Yes, foodists and eaters alike, it is I, your guide to the greater gourmet. This week, as promised, we’ll be following up with more yummy mummies, more tasty terrors for the coming Halloween! Join us for Edible Undeadable!” As with last week’s post, click the images to redirect to the original sites, replete with recipes and more photos.

Meatloaf Hand of the Unbread

burned hand

Off putting… Not gonna’ lie.

Are you throwing a party for Halloween? Do you need a simple, easy, and delicious way to disturb your guests and potentially ruin everyone’s appetite? I thought you might. Enter Meatloaf Hand, one creature you actually want to rise (in the oven, that is). This is no ordinary dish, you see, for the Unbread will never cease to satisfy both the appetite and our innate, macabre fascination with death!

Ew-Tips!

earwaxswab

Doctor! I need a napkin, stat!

A lovely edition to any Halloween snack table: Ew-Tips! Marshmallows dipped in chocolate disguised as the waxy residue produced within the ear’s labyrinthine architecture. The key to a good Halloween treat is to cause equal parts repulsion and attraction in the potential snacker. Continue reading

Food Me Once, Shame On Me… # 5

Welcome back to Food Me Once… with your emphatic-eater-extraordinaire, Chef Benny LaLingua, returning for a series of squeamish Halloween related posts! Today, we’ll be looking at “healthy Halloween treats,” and next week we’ll be following up with “Edible Undeadable!” (which was my title, btw!). Click the images to link to the original sites, where you may find recipes and other deadly-delicious delights…

Strawberries & Scream

strawberryscream

I love a snack that screams back.

If I were limited to one-word reviews, this one would be: “Absolutely fantastic!” A simple and easy way to turn any ordinary strawberry into an anthropomorphized being, pleading for dear life, begging not to be eaten. It’s Halloween! Take it from me, these anguished expressions of strawberry dismay camouflage a perfect storm of deliciousness.  The subtle balance of white and dark chocolates collide with the sweet, yet tart, strawberry victim, whose silent screams of terror will ring out in your belly for hours!

Horror Hors D’oeuvres

breadbones

Might I suggest a bloody marinara dipping sauce? Some sliced parmesan to represent cartilage?

Bread lovers usually have a bone to pick with Halloween’s candy-centric biases, but not this Dia de Los Muertos! A fun and delicious way to enjoy our own mortality! That’s right, boils and ghouls, death awaits so bring out the cheese! Continue reading