Monday Miasma # 19

Ladies and gentlemen, this is NOT a test… Please report to the nearest cubicle for reprograming.

IT’S MONDAY!

Andre the Client!

Some of us go to great lengths to escape the nagging sense of nihilism percolating within like the Mr. Coffee in the break-room of your nightmares. I myself always wanted to get into TV, but how I rue the day my wish came true…

You’re a star…

No matter where you are on the spectrum of wish fulfillment, Mondays can deliver a devastating blow to your relationship with reality. It is not uncommon to fold like a poor hand of cards under the tremendous weight of Monday’s onslaught, and collapse defeated into the Fourth Dimension.

Goodbye, cruel world.

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Wednesday Every Wednesday # 12

Ladies and gentlemen, this is NOT a test. Comedy So Serious! has taken over your net-waves… DO NOT attempt to adjust your dials.

Do you even understand that now antiquated reference to a bygone technology?

Well, DO NOT attempt to open a new tab because…

IT’S WEDNESDAY

Um… internet takeover?

I, your humble and recently abandoned editor, have been left alone at the helm of my own ship run aground. I am broadcasting to you from a remote island of cyber-solitude, screaming a message of questionable importance into the digital ocean-spray.

EVERYTHING IS NORMAL, FINE, NOT WORRISOME AT ALL

You need not doubt your senses as they survey the landscape. This is, indeed, a strange and troubling dystopian ecosystem. Rather than work in tandem, gaining momentum and accomplishing our aims, we are beset with predatory advances.

Office life…

The odds seem insurmountable, and if it were merely up to us alone we would surely succumb to the overwhelming negativity strewn in our paths.

Ouch, Sheep… but valid.

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Editorial: Notes From The Undernet

Time has a way of sneaking by. The routines of necessity have a way of sinking in. And we, the unwitting recipients of this modern era, have a way of slacking off. But there is a limit to how settled into the sameness of our circumstances we can become.

Eventually, every cog has his day.

Pictured: Eternity

But when the going gets tough, do as the Romans, I always say. There comes a time when we’ve got to take the gloves off–along with the scarf, hat, and intergalactic space-shades–and show them all who we really are!

Beautiful… no matter what they say.

Each of us is replete with a wealth of accumulated knowledge and experience, having traveled the world via Google Earth like an obese, tech-savvy internet-tabby.

It’s a real thing.

And, along our journey, we find that all the secrets of the cosmos are within hand’s reach.

“To see the whole world in a grain of fingernail dirt”

Reaffirming my philosophy of intense, rigorous, and relentless snuggling.

Master of The Universe

And while my aforementioned philosophical disposition might be a contributing factor in our blog’s decreased activity, we feel that our audience is satisfied.

Hmmm…

We simply couldn’t live with ourselves if we didn’t deliver the most informative, relevant, and pressing information to our readers… Continue reading

Monday Miasma # 18

As the sun rises, all eye are on you. The weekend departs as quickly as it arrives–and as mysteriously–leaving us with the shattered fragments of wishes unfulfilled.

“Eye need you to come in to work.”

And as gratifying as it may be to unleash the pent-up animal-rage that’s been percolating inside of us on an unsuspecting inanimate object, say an alarm clock, we simply can’t afford to keep buying alarm clocks on our current salary.

Kill, Bill

And so begins again the Great Paper Chase. A lifelong, elliptical, and distracting pursuit of necessity, otherwise known as modern life.

NEED IT, GOTTA HAVE IT!

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Editorial: It’s A Jungle Out Here

The world can be a very, very strange place.

EVERY. DAMN. DAY.

In this mixed up skirmish for survival, men have been driven to great lengths… And, depending on the car’s mileage, some have even made it to Bat Country, NV.

An alert driver is a safe driver…

It takes a lot of courage and a strong will (Shatner) to resist the numbness of deep space, whilst traveling aboard this doomed starship.

“Stop almost hittin’ yourself. Stop almost hittin’ yourself!”

And when you least expect it, a stranger wearing a fashionable sky-cap–perhaps a Fedora, or a Trilby… or maybe a Pork Pie!–shows up and condescendingly waves his hands in front of your face, saying Continue reading

Monday Miasma # 17

Without even a glance toward the calendar, I know what day it is. I can tell by the mild, dull sense of dread that is percolating in the Mr. Coffee of my soul, brewing a bitter and muddy cup of truth:

It’s Monday

We’re into the second full week of January and some of us are still hungover from the New Year’s celebration we don’t remember being at.

And fugue-state times were had by all…

The spring loaded enthusiasm for a new year of possibility has released, and the collective re-cranking has begun. Resolutions struggle to retain their meaning, gym attendance is already slipping, dieting caveats have been introduced…

The streets run red with lolz.

And it is here that we find ourselves: at the crossroads of yet another year, another workweek, wherein the pursuit of self-aggrandizement is feverishly sought while at the same time furiously withheld.

Unless you live below this little rascal…

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Wednesday Every Wednesday # 11

When the screws of the workweek begin to tighten; when the elastic in your dress socks incites a small riot of itchiness on your calves; when you can barely contain your excitement for the weekend, becoming the picture of antsiness…

That’s one way to ruin a picnic…

It’s Wednesday!!!

As the sands of time irritate the soft flesh of impatience, we pause from our relentless trek through tedium and reflect on how far we’ve come.

“Run, Friday, RUN!!!”

But the balancing forces of nature, battling stealthily behind the scenes, are always hard at work. Even as I write this, the Calico Cat of quietude wages war with the Polar Vortex of Vexation!

image

By the Power of Gray Cat!

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