Editorial: It’s A Jungle… ‘IN’ Here

It’s been a while since our last post. My sincerest apologies to you, the reader. I have to admit, our troubles started when I made a claim that our writing staff’s jobs were “so easy, even monkeys could do them.” Outraged and offended, the entire staff of Comedy So Serious! staged a walkout. Needless to say, productivity has hit an all-time low.

I keep telling him to give it a second to load, but…

Yes, times have been tough for your modest moderator of internet inanity. With a staff comprised mainly of ill-tempered Baboons–and one Gibbon–I’ve spent most of my days hiding under my desk, tossing binders into the office across from me to misdirect the pack of savage simians. And although I’ve had numerous ideas for titillating editorials, the sound of typing on my keyboard incites murderous rage from the eldest Baboon. Fortune smiled upon me, however, in the form of a phone call!

Different phone call…

I picked up the receiver as fast as I could so as not to alert the monkeys and whispered, “Sal’s Pizzeria & Crematorium: We bake for your wake…” As I listened to the chilling, crackled voice on the other end of the line, it became apparent who had called me…

My Publisher

DEADLINES!!!

My publisher failed to see the heroism of cracking jokes at a time like that–monkeying around while the monkeys are around, if you willYES! Still got it!–and instead offered some constructive criticism regarding the site, most of which I completely agree with.

I can totally see where you’re coming from…

And after several long pauses and awkward interruptions, my publisher offhandedly mentioned that local animal-control had received reports about monkeys in the area. She informed me to avoid the office; I informed her that I voided my bowels in the office, and we hung up mutually reassured, I’m sure. Continue reading

Monday Miasma # 18

As the sun rises, all eye are on you. The weekend departs as quickly as it arrives–and as mysteriously–leaving us with the shattered fragments of wishes unfulfilled.

“Eye need you to come in to work.”

And as gratifying as it may be to unleash the pent-up animal-rage that’s been percolating inside of us on an unsuspecting inanimate object, say an alarm clock, we simply can’t afford to keep buying alarm clocks on our current salary.

Kill, Bill

And so begins again the Great Paper Chase. A lifelong, elliptical, and distracting pursuit of necessity, otherwise known as modern life.

NEED IT, GOTTA HAVE IT!

Continue reading

Monday Miasma # 7

Say it ain’t so! Monday, its totalitarian grip tightening, has seized upon us once again!

Monday be like!

Our visceral reaction to seek shelter, hiding amongst the languid landscape of our resistance to responsibility, will only take us so far. Inevitably there will come an inevitable inevitability, requiring our whole attention and abilities.

A perfect example of cactus practice.

The truth is, the only way to surmount the challenges laid before us is to unleash a terrific and terrible storm of epicness, showering all who ask us to perform beyond our self-prescribed limitations with a radiant display of majesty!

Epicness, thy will be done!

And if that doesn’t work, at least we can take heart in the fact that this day, too, shall pass… Monday Miasma will fail where we shall prevail!

Gifs via: here, here, and here

Monday Miasma # 1

An ever-ready Kevin Spacey embodies the guttural reaction to Mondays we all know so well:

Monday just got “awards-show ticket-slapped”… classic.

But what does he know about Fridays, or even Thursdays for that matter?!

wut tha Usual Suspects did you just say?

Excuse me, Mr. Spacey, that was out of line… My apologies.